I'm really surprised at the lack of security. I mean, you need to basically have a DNA test to prove that your license is in fact you to get on an airplane these days. I just handed them a piece of paper, they tore it, and I boarded the train. Sat where I wanted. No bag checks, no pat downs, no inappropriate groping that goes along with flying. I suddenly remember why I chose to take the sixteen hour train over the new TSA rules. Well, there was also the giant gap in prices, but you get my point.
I didn't cry when leaving this time. I need to cry. This week has been Hell on the emotions. I'll break down in Illinois. No need to put that stress on Dave when he's been so good with me this week.
I guess I should fill you in, since I haven't posted in awhile. I got the phone all from Pennsylvania last night. Pap died around 11:30 pm, January 15. The family was going through pictures when they called. I wish I was there. Mom had called me hysterically crying, wanting to hear my voice, just hours before. It's never like that. It was terrifying.
Mom made excuses for me not being there to Pap. Made excuses to Zak, too. Maybe I'm too judgmental, but he should have been there. He could have gotten the time off. He has over four thousand in savings, since the baby isn't coming. I think I'm just slightly mad. I would have gone if I could. I wasn't allowed to because it would have been impossible for me to get to Illinois and catch up on everything if I skipped the first week and a half. But that still doesn't change the fact that I'm missing my grandfather's funeral. I feel terrible and there is nothing that can be done to change it.
I lied. I'm probably going to break down on the train and freak out all of the passengers who are sitting nearby.
Dad and Missy left Thursday morning. Dad misses me like crazy. We both hate the fact that I have to go back. It's just not fair. There is no way I can do another semester at Benedictine after this. I can't keep leaving. It's too hard.
Sam came over to distract me with Burger King and Doctor Who on Thursday night. We slept in my parents bed and probably made a mess. I doubt I'll get in trouble for it, though. Too much going on for them to get mad at me.
Dani emailed me my schedule, giving me twenty hours a week because she rocks. Another girl, Geenu, only had seven and a half. She asked for my two hour shift on Thursdays. I gave it to her. I know what it's like to be making such a small amount of cash. I called Dad to let him know before I did it, though, so he'll understand when I'm a few dollars short of my insurance payment next month. Or three days late.
I stayed at Dave's Friday and Saturday night. I'm happy I did. I finally loosened up around his dad. His dad is really critical of him. Some of it I can understand, but I wish he'd do it in a way that would offer encouragement rather than condemnation. I've only been on the train for an hour and I already miss him so much. How am I going to get through the next nine weeks?
His dad mentioned me and Dave getting a place together after he graduated. Nothing could have made me happier. A year ago, Dave's mom was insisting that it was a mistake that Dave was buying me a prom ticket because we might break up. Now they're accepting that Dave and me are going to be together, if not forever, for a long while. I think mostly they just use me for a motivational tool, though. “Dave, if you don't get good grades, you and Kendra won't be able to afford a place together!” It's alright. As long as I'm accepted, I'm happy.
I've been avoiding calls from a venue I was looking at for the wedding. They always call at the most inopportune times. The first, when I was at the bank signing papers for my student loan and then the second time while I was in the car preparing to leave New York for this train.
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